When a couple come together in a matrimonial alliance they are known as a husband-wife couple. In modern times there have been increasing attempts to include in the definition of marriage unions between couples of the same sex. This is to distinguish between holy matrimony and legal matrimony. However for the purpose of this blog post, i will focus on the relationship between a man and a woman for the purposes of a legal marriage.
There is a false misconception that arranged marriage is there only in India and not in developed western countries. Rather scientific study of 142 cultures throughout the world have revealed that arranged marriage is there in as many as 130 of them. Even in USA , Arranged marriages were there till as late as 1950’s.
Is a love marriage more successful than an arranged one. Interestingly throughout the world, even today divorce rates are the least in arranged marriage prevalent society. This is not to say of course that this automatically translates into arranged marriages being more successful. A couple who have had an arranged marriage may stay together throughout life in an unhappy marriage, while another couple may have a divorce and move on to a happier marriage with a different partner each.
What would be the difference in expectations of partners from each other between an arranged marriage and a love marriage. I would feel that in an arranged marriage expectations are very less since the couple are virtually unknown to each other. Conversely in a love marriage expectations may apparently be more since the couple have supposedly known each other before they have decided to get married.
However is a love marriage really a love marriage ? Hardly so i believe. The only difference is that the couple have seen each other and theoretically known each other before getting married. I use the word theoretically as it is possible that actually the couple may not know each other at all and rather have put on a facade or a pretence so that the other has a better impression. This would be true more for a conservative society like India where a boy and girl meeting other a few times without their parents knowing about it makes their marriage a “love marriage” as opposed to an arranged marriage where they may meet but after their parents have fixed the marriage.
Be that as it may, once Mars and Venus get married, it is incumbent upon them to not just make the marriage work, but make it successful. How can that be possible ? Certain thoughts come to mind, such as follows;
Loyalty. This is the most important attribute required to make a marriage work. Once there is loyalty, everything flows from it. Allied closely to this is Trust. This is most important since if there is no trust, then various issues are likely to arise. What is however important is that there should be trust on both sides, and there should be no breach of trust as well
Fights. I believe that it is not possible that there is no fight at all between a married couple. If so it is a formal relationship where the married partners are aloof and detached with each other . However while fights are expected to happen, what is of paramount importance is that they should be few and far between, and once it happens should be got over quickly. Also important would be to isolate fights, in the sense that for fight A for reason B, the reason B should not be brought in fight C for Reason D. One should sit down and discuss and come to a conclusion. It may so happen however that one of the married partners is not in a mood to discuss. Then the other should, if possible, respect the views of the person and give space.
It is also important, if one has a fight, not to carry it too far. The golden words, the “mantra” is move on. Easier said than done, but one has to do it.
Marriage requires sacrifice on part of both partners. Now what the exact nature of the sacrifice would be will differ from person to person, couple to couple and marriage to marriage. However some element of sacrifice is a must. In a traditional society like India, the sacrifice will be more for Venus than for Mars, but thats a different topic in itself. What is important is that the sacrifice should be seen and acknowledged.
A couple should not entertain and allow extraneous factors at all to interfere in their marriage. After all, ultimately it is they who have to face life together including highs and lows, trials and tribulations. The extraneous factor is transitory and is to be treated as such and should not be allowed to play a pivotal role at all. This means that negative forces are not in any circumstances to be allowed around a couple as it will only play the role of chiselling away at the foundation of a strong pillar.
Ideally a couple should be best friends, rather than depend on other friends. Yes, Mars may prefer cricket, football and tennis while Venus may prefer Rom-Coms but that need not affect them. One can accept the other’s likes and dislikes and move on. Yes, amidst their own particular preferences , a “we” time should be there for each other, and not “me” time only.
Respect for each other is a must. Without respect, nothing will remain. Once respect is there for the spouse as an individual it will act as a binding force which will keep the couple together.
Can Mars and Venus meet. In my opinion, Certainly. They can not only meet but be happy and comfortable with each other in a lifetime journey of togetherness, joy and love.
Feedback is welcome